This Is the End

I shouldn’t be writing this right now.

I should be working on one of the 5 essays that are due within the next week.

Within the week.

In 8 days, I’ll be flying from Vienna to Nashville, Tennessee. In 8 days, I’ll leave this place that I’ve grown to love so much and I’ll be back home. In 8 days, I’ll be back with my family and my friends.

This is crazy. There’s just no way that this incredible, weird adventure is so close to being over.

Time is kind of a paradox right now. I look back at our first group picture together, taken about 2 hours after we got off the plane in Munich, and I feel as if the picture was taken years ago. How in the world do these 27 people mean so much to me now, in such a short amount of time? We are knit together by trials and laughs and adventures and love. We know each other intimately, because we’ve all been at our worst at some point on this trip. Over this past weekend, our motto became, “No Judgement”. The funny thing is, that phrase doesn’t mean that we don’t admonish one another. In fact, the opposite is true- we strengthen one another and we’re not afraid to ask the hard questions. Instead, that statement means that we all love each other unconditionally, no matter what. It’s a beautiful thing, you know, to take a group of strangers and semi-acquaintances and to see them grow into a family. As cliché and obnoxious as that might sound, that’s what we are: a family.

 Our first group picture

But as long ago as that first group picture seems, I still can’t believe that we’ve already spent three months over here. Not every individual moment has been fast; in fact, some days and weeks have seemed remarkably slow, and it seemed like December would never come. But now, getting ready to leave is astonishing. There’s so much I haven’t done. I haven’t been out in the city of Vienna as much as I wanted to. I haven’t eaten at all of the cafés. I haven’t tried the famous Apfelstrudel yet. I haven’t been to the Prater. I haven’t, I haven’t, I haven’t.

But in the midst of the “I haven’t”, I remember all of the “I have”.

I have lived in this city for three months. I have eaten at some of the cafés. I have been to the grocery store, and I’ve ridden the Strassenbahn, and I’ve learned the U-Bahn system, and I’ve been to the Opera, and I’ve stumbled over German words and I’ve gotten lost.

But there’s more than that: I’ve traveled the world. I’ve accumulated crazy stories and I’ve learned more about Jesus and his grace than I ever thought possible.

I’ve lived and I’ve loved.

Just reading those words makes me want to cry. I can’t describe how good God has been through everything. Not a week has gone by that I didn’t see His hand upon our trip, our group, and myself.

This past week was especially hard as I learned of the unexpected death of one of my coworkers back home. It was the first time anything like that has actually happened to me. My brother BJ and I grieved and cried together, uniting in a common, overwhelming sadness for Jordan’s life, cut short far too soon. Yet, somehow, in the midst of the despair, God showed up. My Mom told me yesterday about Jordan’s funeral. She told me about how his dad wore pajamas to it, in honor of Jordan, and how she got to tell his mother about Jordan and I doing coffee creamer shots. Most importantly, though, she said that God was so glorified. I don’t understand how we can still see His goodness in these times, but I’m so incredibly grateful that we can.

As sad as I am about leaving Vienna, I’m so excited to return to Nashville and Little Rock and see all of you incredible people. Seriously, guys, I mean this with my whole heart: I would never, ever have made it over here if it wasn’t for you all. I know I’ve said that before, but I just desperately want you to know what a blessing you’ve been to me. Even “likes” on photos remind me of how loved I am and how much I love you all.

At 6:40 p.m. on December 3rd, I’ll land in the Nashville airport, and my world will begin to change again. I’ll be back. It won’t be bad. It’ll just be different. Here’s something I want you all to do for me: ask me the questions. Don’t be afraid of making me think hard about what I’ve learned. And yes, I give you permission to force me to pick where my favorite place was and where my least favorite place was and what my favorite memory is (because I can assure you, I won’t want to). I also give you permission to tell me to shut up about studying abroad, because we all know you’ll want to. 🙂

Here’s a few things that I would love your prayers for over this next week:

• Packing. Good night, it’s the most stressful thing in the world. We barely made the 50-pound limit on the way over, and in the past 3 months each and every one of us has accumulated quite a bit of extra stuff.
• Our last week. I’ve told you how I feel about it, and I think a lot of people feel the same way. Just pray that God would give us all peace about leaving this place and that we wouldn’t have any regrets when we do leave.
• Jordan Rutherford’s family. If you could remember to pray for my sweet coworker’s family and friends, that would mean the world to me.
• Leaving this group. It is going to be such a hard adjustment to not be with these people that I’ve been with nonstop for three months. I don’t want to lose our special community. So pray that when we return to the States, our friendships wouldn’t diminish, but that we would continue to support and love one another.
• Friendships back home. I know things have changed back home and at Lipscomb, and that’s okay. I think one of the biggest disservices I could do to myself would be to wish that “Everything would go back to the way it was”. Why would I want that? Everyone has grown, but we’ve just done it apart from each other. So pray that when I return, I would be joyful in the midst of the changes and adjustment!
• The Swanns. I can’t tell you guys how much our trip leaders have blessed us. Melissa and Jaren are some of the sweetest, wisest people I’ve ever met in my life, and they love all 24 of us crazy kids like they’re our own parents. This past summer, they made a permanent move to Vienna, so for the first time ever, they won’t be coming home with us. Pray that they would continue to feel peace about living in Vienna and that they would feel loved by us even from across the ocean!

God is good.

This is the end, but my new adventure is just beginning.